Ruto's last-ditch effort to steer 'goonverment' as El-Nino floods loom
Opinion
By
Peter Kimani
| Jul 31, 2026
Here’s the speech that Prezzo Bill Ruto should have made in last night’s address to the nation:
Fellow Kenyans, I have chosen to address the nation at this critical juncture when members of my party, UDA, are decamping as though the party is on fire. I can hear chants of “wantam,” but I consider that as porojo. I have a country to run. Elections are still one year away, and when that time comes, I’ll deal with those planless and clueless individuals who call themselves united alternative government.
I have been admonished for using such unpresidential language. I’m trying my best to stay calm. As you can appreciate, my irritation is enhanced by the growing criticism from all and sundry that the country is going in the wrong direction. And I say to them: at least it’s going!
The nation is faced with El-Nino in a few months, which could wash away food crops and push prices up. I know I promised Kenyans a lower cost of living, and that has been achieved by the handful of politicians in my government.
I hear my government even has a new name. The useless opposition calls it “goonverment,” just because a few hooded goons appeared in certain quarters to scare people away.
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I mean, seriously? Are such matters worthy of my attention? Sijui kama tunaelewana? The national police is an independent institution under the Inspector General of Police. Why don’t they ask him about those goons?
I hear even Kenyans do not believe that college education will be free, even though I have said so, as I explore ways of raising the requisite resources to fund the programme. I am told, oooh, things don’t work that way, ati ooooh, I should first find the resources before communicating that to the nation.
That’s the old way of doing business. My approach is aspirational. I first express a desire and wait for the universe to create a roadmap for implementation. That’s pretty much how I have run the affairs of the State and I will continue to.
Take it from me that those programmes are working smoothly, because I have told you so. I am not a mad person to say we’re on our way to becoming a First World nation when we’re not. I know what I am doing.
Let me return briefly to my pet project, the Affordable Housing Programme. I said it’d employ our youths, but what we needed were skilled artisans. But all of them are youths, and they are Kenyans.
The initial target of 200,000 units per year was aspirational, so even if we manage 10,000 units, why shouldn’t that milestone be applauded, when my predecessors produced zero? I mean, kila mtu atapimwa na kazi yake.
Talking of my predecessors, some of whom are working tooth and nail to get me out of office, I have only message for them: It doesn’t matter who your fathers were; the people who will determine my political future are the people of Kenya. You just saw what happened in Ol-Kalou.
Let me conclude where I should have started. It appears some disgraced politicians have succeeded in blaming William Ruto for everything. Now that the El-Nino floods are on the way, are they going to blame that on me as well?
It’s common sense that I don’t control the weather. The only weather skill associated with my office was when Mama Racheal prayed for the rains. And that was a modest downpour. Here we’re talking about a nationwide deluge that is projected to have a devastating effect on the economy. I don’t control rain.
In terms of preparation, we shall deal with the El-Nino as it comes. I mean, how do you plan for what you can’t control? In that connection, we shall rely on the skills of Nairobi Governor Johnson Sakaja. He is adept at deflecting attention. Who knows, he might divert the floods to flow elsewhere.